What is a dictator?

Specifically, we all know that Bush is the Ultimate World Dictator. He wields unimaginable powers. He has the ability to read all our emails, listen to all our phone calls, even read all the letters we send through the mail. Under Dictator Bush, all our civil rights have been trampled, the Constitution is in tatters underneath its bulletproof glass, and all of us know the unsettling fear that someone is watching us, all the time. We have been violated by the tentacles of the Great Dictator.

It's obvious that Bush is a dictator, and like any evil fascist dictator, the media is at his beck and call. Never mind the New York Times and its reports of secret government surveillance programs! Never mind the fact that Reuters refuses to use the word "terrorist" in any of its stories in order to avoid offending sensibilities so very damaged by 5 years of assaults on our Civil Rights! Oh no, Bush is a dictator as sure as he is using Roswell mind control technology to stay in power. It's no wonder he hasn't been impeached by now, once you realize this fact.

Which is why this AP poll showing his approval rating at 33% makes total sense! Yes, the Man who was able to fix two national elections and countless other ones where Republicans somehow "won" over their Democratic rivals is somehow unable to "fix" an Associated Press poll that gives him a low approval rating!

How can this be, you ask the Roswellian? How can an all-powerful dictator have an approval rating of 33%? Any student of history knows that the Communist Party in the good old Soviet Union always won with 100% of the vote. So was Stalin a better dictator than Bush was, faithful readers ask? Has not Castro always made proud note of the fact that 100% of Cubans love his loving, fatherly leadership?

If Bush is an all-powerful dictator who controls events worldwide, how can he have a wimpy 33% approval rating?

The Roswellian says, do not be distracted by such childish and impertinent reasoning. The answer, of course, is very clear.

Bush has a 33% approval rating because it's part of the Grand Conspiracy.

Like a champion boxer who feints and takes body blows on purpose, Bush is manipulating ALL opinion polls to make him SEEM weak, to give false courage to the anti-Bush forces. That way, when someone dares questions, "How can Bush be a dictator and not have a 100% approval rating," do not be misled by the "obvious answer," i.e. "Perhaps Bush is not really a dictator and all this dictator talk is just nonsense hyperbole."

The low poll numbers are a distraction. Do not be fooled. Why do you think his approval rating seems to be "stuck" in a so-called rut of 30s? It's because Bush himself is manipulating the media to keep it there.

So be of good cheer, friends of Roswellian! Bush the Dictator will fall by our efforts, and I can guarantee that 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. will not be his home address in 2009 as long as we keep heart with ceaseless anti-Bush diatribes! And when a new man (or woman) takes seat in the Oval Office in 2009, it will be because WE will have brought the Dictator down (never mind the two term limits thing).

Let us prepare ourselves to take credit!

Now that it's been established that all foiled terror plots are actually episodes of the Roswell Weapon of Mind Destruction, the obvious question arises. What can a patriotic, fascist-hating American do to protect himself from the fear-inducing beams?

Trust the Roswellian - tin foil hats will do nothing to shield you. The military-industrial scientists have actually been dispersing that bit of disinformation for years while they knew aluminum foil hats actually serve to enhance the beam's effects!

The brain is, after all, an electrochemical neural network. Thoughts arise from the momentary flashes of electrochemical activity in specific patterns, and when it comes down to it, the day is coming when mind reading machines are perfected. Mind-control is actually mind reading in reverse, after all, i.e. projecting one's own neurological signals onto someone else's wetware.

As the Roswellian has already noted, however, there are certain specific words or phrases that create a protective interference pattern in the human brain. It is necessary for all conspiracy theorists to practice repeating these words over and over again, all the time, to protect themselves from being brain-washed.

The partial list of protective Interference Words are (in no particular order):

• Bush is evil
• Bushitler
• ChimpyMcHitler
• BushBushBush
• JEWS = NAZIS (one must actually envision "Jews" in all caps, the actual equal sign, and "Nazis" in all caps)
• Chickenhawk(s)
• Evil Republithugs (just "Republithugs" is insufficient, as it doesn't generate the precise alpha waves to precisely cancel out the mind control beams)
  
• Big Oil
• Zionist Israel
• Kos (while thinking worshipful thoughts about him)
  
• The truth about 9/11 (while simultaneously thinking about the vast right-wing conspiracy)
• Puppet, e.g. "Bush is just Cheney's puppet."
• Puppet-master, e.g. "That puppet-master Bush is at it again."
• War-mongering Republicans
• Reality-based
• Little Eichmanns

Again, this is but a partial list. New Interference Words are discovered every day, but the important point is, one must repeat these words over and over again, with absolute conviction in order to protect one's mind from Bush's evil Roswell mind rays.

Remember. All the time. Like a Buddhist monk who repeatedly chants "Om" to clarify the mind in meditation, reciting "That death-dealing ChimpyMcHitler!" 24/7 will create an impenetrable mental shield for you. Trust me on this.

Do not even consider questioning any of the above - that creates a neurochemical hole akin to surfing the Internet on a Windows machine with no anti-virus protection. Sooner or later, you will get infected, so it is absolutely critical that anti-Bush conspiracy theorists remain vigiliant and think empty catchphrases all the time. All the time.

Do not vary from this dogma, or you'll be dropped faster than Lieberman was in Conneticut and become part of the vast Conspiracy.

I've often been asked (not really, but that hardly matters now, does it?) what my name really means. Why are you called Roswellian, people inquire.

Well, to put it simply, this blog is about how Bush is using alien technology found at Roswell in an Orwellian fashion. Roswell + Orwellian = Roswellian.

I hope that answers all the questions about my name.

As Hugh Hewitt and Mary Katherine Ham have already noted, the news that a major terrorist plot has been foiled on the even of its execution has gotten the conspiracy theorists fired up. The patriotic kooks at AmericaBlog is already blaming Bush for inventing the terror plot:

Well, the Roswellian finds this musing entirely inadequate. It's too simplistic and insufficiently convoluted. So the Roswellian offers his own take by submitting something worth of the pagan Gods of Conspiracy (note: an earlier version was posted in the comments of the AmericaBlog post).

Not surprisingly, all things start at Roswell, New Mexico.

Ever wonder how Bush could be a mastermind of 9/11 yet so stupid that he's confused by children's books? Aside from the overly simplistic and not-sufficiently-convoluted reason that Cheney is pulling all the strings, it should be obvious by now that the reason Bush is Supreme World Leader has to do with Roswell.

Yep, that UFO that crashed in Roswell in the 1940s is the explanation behind Bush's seemingly UNEARTHLY grip on world power. Ever since the crash, scientists have trying to crack the secrets, but by sheer dumb luck, the U.S. military-industrial complex finally managed to decode the secrets right before Bush became President. The military, being angry with Clinton-Gore, then used the new-found advanced technology to manipulate the Florida vote so that Bush would win by a few hundred votes.

This advanced alien technology is the reason why the New York Times, Miami Herald, and a dozen other big newspapers who were allowed to examine and count the votes themselves years after the election all concluded that Bush did in fact win. The election fraud was so perfect with the assistance of alien technology that Bush actually won all the recounts!

The same alien technology also handily explains how Bush-Cheney could have masterminded 9/11 without the plot being uncovered despite thousands of people involved, even allowing the U.S. military-industrial complex to clone artificial human being who only looked like Muslim men from Egypt and Saudi Arabia. Never mind that the Bush administration is infilitrated by leakers who can't keep their mouths shut about everything from Valerie Plame to NSA wiretapping to SWIFT anti-terror measures. The reason why the cover hasn't been blown on 9/11 is because Roswell technology allowed the U.S. to employ self-destructing humanoid clones by the thousands, leaving the possibility of someone leaking the plot as an impossibility.

But that was nothing compared to REAL application of the Roswell technology, i.e. Afghanistan. I mean, think about it, a country that has successfully beat off thousands of years of attempted invasion by outside powers from Alexander the Great to the Soviet Union, gets pounded into dust in a matter of weeks by air power alone. It only makes sense if you accept the idea that the U.S. was testing weapons derived from Roswell.

Iraq is pretty much explained similarly. One of the largest militaries in the Middle East, funded illegally and illicitly by billions of dollars of Food-for-Oil money via UN diplomatic funnels, is felled in a matter of weeks by an otherwordly American force that is just a fraction of its size.

Roswell. It only makes sense if you accept the idea that Bush wields Roswell's secrets.

But Roswell isn't just about weapons of minor and mass destruction, oh no! It also explains the incompetent spineless idiocy of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. That's right - you can already guess what I'm about to say.

Mind-control.

Bush now wields mind-control technology from the Roswell flying saucer and has been using it to keep the Democratic leadership in total disarray since 9/11. The Roswellian asserts it makes absolute sense if you think about it, because mind-control devices merely enhance the qualities of wielder's mind. Bush is a monkey, so when he puts on that mind-ray cap, some of that simian-level intelligence is transmitted into the minds of Pelosi and Reid and the rest of the Democratic leadership.
Kerry's pretzel logic "I was for the war before I was against it?" It's clear evidence of the confusion caused by Bush Brain Waves emanating from the device.

That video of Bush and Blair joking at the G8 summit? They were really laughing because they were making coded jokes about fooling around with the mind-control device. The "sweater" that Tony jokes he knitted for Bush is a old-boy inside joke about the Brit improvements to the mind control hat.

Which all comes down to today's terror bust. No, it's not because terrorists exist in the world. It's not because terrorists are called terrorists because they think up different ways to kill innocent people in spectacular fashion. Oh no.

The most recent "Code Red" terror plot is just Bush field-testing a new Roswell technology. Obvious, isn't it? The new devices is a new WMD, one designed to induce fear into mass populations. The terror alert is just to allow the scientists to fine tune the device.

But as it turns out, luckily, the kind of electrochemical patterns generated in the human brain by thinking thoughts like "Bush is Hitler", "Bush planned 9/11", "BushBushBush", "Jews are Nazis" creates a kind of neurological interference that blocks the effects of mind-control. Only people who think these thoughts ALL THE TIME will remain immune to the mind-manipulating effects of the Roswell Weapon of Mind Destruction.

So what does it all mean? Just wait and see! The Roswellian promises you ain't seen nothing yet!

Because Roswell...Roswell explains everything. It's a fact people! Make sure nothing, including reality and real facts, stand in the way of your groveling, knee-jerk, all-consuming love-hate subservience to Conspiracy!

Welcome to this blog where the universe will be viewed through the lens of Roswell. It's not what you think.

My name is Roswellian. I am starting this blog because I'm finally fed up with the mainstreaming of conspiracy lunacies in the world today. I believe the concept of conspiracy is beginning to replace religion and philosophy as engines of explanation for how the world works, or should work. From the idea that 9/11 was masterminded by the U.S. government to the idea that Jews are behind all the world's wars, the Roswellian has had it with the idiocy present in so many minds today.

So I start this blog by going back to possibly the penultimate conspiracy, i.e. the supposed U.S. coverup of a crash of an alien spacecraft in Roswell, New Mexico. Why start a blog dedicated to anti-conspiracy by naming it after a conspiracy itself?

The idea is to fight fire with fire. The Roswellian has decided that it is impossible to argue rationally with conspiracy theorists. They've already made up their minds to cram every pseudo-fact to support their conspiracy, and any counter-fact is dismissed as just part of the conspiracy agenda. This is an important point. There is no reasoning with someone who has sunk himself in the black depths of conspiracy - only the individual himself can free himself from that personal darkness.

So the Roswellian starts at Roswell with the intention to interject conspiracies of his own. The hope is  to inject ever increasing amounts of lunacy into the so-called dialogue, in the hope that the players on the stage will recognize their own hopeless state of existence. In great works of satire by writers such as Molliere, the characters remain blissfully unaware of their own irrationality. The Roswellian intends to stir things up by pushing conspiracy theories to their limits, to create absurdities upon absurdities in the hope the characters will miraculously snap out of their self-induced fantasies.

You have been warned, for you are now entering the Roswellian Universe.